Kauai 06 (temporary viewing place)

 

silly boys

Sooo much time has passed and they've grown so much. Ibu has really embraced his role as an older brother and loves it. Loves to buckle Ima's seatbelt, loves to announce where mommy is, help with setting the table and getting them both snacks and drinks, and loves to wake him up from his nap. Ima has learned to talk at lightning speed. He says the funniest things. Mostly funny because he has no idea of the meaning of his words (or does he?). Things like:

1 - want to watch something...robots (where in the world does he get this idea from?)
2- oh my god look at that
3- 'kids meal i want kids meal' - gee i wonder where he learned that from. also, he sits on my side of the car so he sees all the drive-thru interactions. even if its drive thru coffee, i hear the little nut behind me saying, chicken! chicken! and once i pulled into my friends subdivision's gatehouse, he started saying, chicken! chicken! yeah yeah, i get the hint.
4- we pass by panera and he always says, "mocha store". which is so random because we rarely eat there!

* they say that by the age of 2, toddlers can recognize about 200 logos/advertisements. So on the highway, far and away he will see a sign for McD and yell out, CHICKEN!!!!!

Ibu says some pretty silly things too. Mostly adult-like so it just comes off as cute from a soon-to-be 4 year old. He says:

"mommy can you call up a friend to meet me at the bookstore?"
"mommy, start driving and i'll just hop in"

they play very well together, altho ibu gets distracted by ima's feet and starts squeezing them until imraan squeals in anguish and frustration. hopefully winter weather will reduce the amount of annoyance this causes imraan.

they don't like to be separated, but we still do it semi-regularly to keep it fresh.

Morton Arboretum 6/06, with our dear friends


 

all 5 of us, healthy, reunited after a long time! 

6/06 

A decade of 3's

In February, I turned 30, and finally had the opportunity to be inspired and contemplate on my last decade.....

June 2006

about 10 years ago i...
1. experienced independence from home
2. learned a lot about people & relationships
3. met my life partner

about 9 years ago i...
1. got engaged to my life partner
2. started my first real job in the accounting world at KPMG
3. got glasses

about 8 years ago i...
1. married my life partner
2. reevaluated the term 'independence' within marriage
3. learned an entirely new meaning of self-sacrifice

about 7 years ago i...
1. still had no idea who or what i was emotionally and spiritually
2. wondered if i was ever going to pass the CPA exam
3. pondered life, and companionship

about 6 years ago i...
1. finally passed the CPA exam
2. left KPMG for Ernst & Young - wasn't feeling the love
3. travelled to Puerto Rico and St. Lucia

about 5 years ago i...
1. travelled with my husband to Pakistan, and then some other places
2. watched a plane crash into a building in the name of my belief system
3. knew i had to do something to work towards world peace and social justice

about 4 years ago i...
1. left the jaded corporate world; guess someone figured me out
2. became involved in human rights work in schools with Amnesty Int'l
3. gave birth to my son Ibraheem

about 3 years ago i...
1. decided that public health was my new calling in life
2. completed the Landmark Education Forum with my husband
3. confronted people and issues i was fearful of dealing with before

about 2 years ago i...
1. travelled to Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Cozumel and snorkelled for the first time
2. finally figured myself out
3. gave birth to my son Imraan

about 1 year ago i...
1. came close & personal with the devastation and destruction of cancer
2. considered the attachment and the frivolousnes of our short-term lives in the physical world
3. wondered, how can i protect my kids from everything disgraceful and painful?

today i...
1. recognize & treasure all of my blessings
2. focus on each day wholly and separately
3. teach my sons to stop and smell the flowers while we take the long way home.

Terrible 3's, not terrible 2's!

I have found Ibu's behavior at 3 to be more trying than he was at 2. Whoever coined the term terrible two, must have had a rude awakening at 3! At least for us here, and the word around the playgroup circle is that 3 year old boys are difficult. So I am determined to get to the bottom of this and develop a new strategy. (watch him read this 20 years from now and laugh at me!).

Where we have to do some work is along the lines of communication with others, and his reaction to certain events where he feels hurt. I have decided that reminding myself not to enter any verbal battles with him is tantamount to preventing further drama. No need for me to say the last word, because I already have the last word - I'm the parent. So when I hear some talking back of some sort, I will not try to evict him from the room, but rather constructively help him to 'find a better way to say XYZ'.

Regarding feelings. The preschool stage is when the really learn how to express different emotions, and will experiment with them all day. Feelings of love gush from him daily, as do affirmations of hurt or broken ones. What is most important is to first acknowledge the feeling of hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, whatever. And to next try to ascertain what brought him into that stage in the first place. A lot of times we can sort of rework his feelings that way, but many a time, profuse statements of how his feelings are hurt/broken can seem endless. That's when you know it's a bigger issue that needs to be addressed at a non-sensitive time. **we always have this thing together where I say, let's 'do talking', and we talk about whatever is on his mind. we've done that for over a year and he loves the chance to talk about the most random things.**

Also, what is important to also get through his head is some sort of diplomacy, and that not everyone needs to hear everything all the time.

Granted, we have a long way to go on that.............

how life changes

A long time has passed since my last posting. I felt inspired lately, watching my kids do and say amazing things. Ima is about 20 months and is speaking in semi-broken sentences, saying the likes of:
'i don't want to...do neenee'
'canihaveit.......peees?'
'im tired'
'eat........yogurt........peaches'
'ibu..canihaveit........ball?'

and more, but mostly it's so amazing to see him interact with his older brother. they are inseparable. we try to separate them occasionally for hours, the goal being an overnight apart, but usually after 4-5 hours, Ibu is crying, missing his little brother. Meanwhile, Ima is getting down to work on his train track, without any distractions. It's so natural for kids to have company like this, that I just pray they are this close and caring with each other for life. We are trying to instill life-long values of respect, sharing, and individuality. It has also been amazing to watch Ima skip a lot of whta Ibu went through, simply because he is a younger sibling.

until later.....

Muja goes to the dentist

Muja goes to the dentist.

One night, after dinner, Muja asked his mommy for a chocolate creme cookie. Mommy said, no Muja, you cannot have a chocolate cookie because its bedtime and you already brushed your teeth. Muja did not obey his mommy's rules and took a cookie without asking. He went to sleep without brushing his teeth. The next morning when he woke, he had icky-sticky stuff in his teeth, and he was scared! He told his mommy about his teeth and his mommy said, uh-oh, I think we have to go to the dentist! Muja said, oh no! the dentist! What will happen there? They went to the dentist, and Muja sat in the waiting room. He was wondering how the dentist will fix his icky-sticky teeth. So he sat on the chair and the dentist took a big toothbrush with toothpaste and while Muja was lying down in the chair the dentist brushed his teeth. He showed Muja how to brush properly. Then Muja was so happy that he learned how to brush his teeth properly and also learned that after your mommy says not to eat something, you should not eat anything. Otherwise you'll get icky-sticky stuff in your teeth if you eat and do not brush. He showed his teeth to his mama and she was really happy. Then the dentist told Muja to select a toy as a reward. He picked a bouncing ball from the toy box and went home.

wherever

conversation btw ibu and me, which originated as a conversation btw omar and me, of course interrupted by ibu:

Ibu: do you know where she got it from?
i dont know, that's why i asked daddy
Ibu: you do know where, because I dont know where
no, i don't know where its from
Ibu: you know where its from because i don't know where its from

stuff to do when there are 2

I thought i'd start a thread on 'things to do'. Our
household juggles a soon-to-be 1 year old and
soon-to-be 3 year old (AND he just started preschool
**sniff, sniff**).  So we have to manage our playtime
wisely and select age-appropriate activities.  Here
are just a couple things we love.

Puzzles: We love puzzles made by Ravensburger and
Melissa and Doug, if you are into puzzles, you'll
appreciate teh durability of these brands.  There is
another brand called Learning Horizons, and we have a
lot of their stuff: matching, sequencing, puzzles, and
more.  Ibraheem really enjoys doing all of these
learning activities.

Books: I started keeping all his books in a wicker
laundry basket so he can see the cover of the book,
since obviously he can't read hte spine of the book.
While Imraan is mostly consumed with board books
(SANDRA BOYNTON ROCKS), Ibraheem loves story books:
Franklin, Dora and other fun tales.  Another series we
just discovered is called Elmer, and we found 2 of
these books with Urdu translation, which helps him
learn word association and me to read urdu!

Pretend play:  We love play-doh and also have a play
food set (melissa and doug).  we love to imagine going
to the grocery store (we have a little stroller for
him) and he loves to pretend he owns a cafe and makes
food on demand for anyone passing by.  (wouldn't that
be grand!).  I also set up the indoor tent a lot which
is something they can do together!

Life with 2 is dynamic and challenging.  We have made
an effort to encourage Ibraheem to teach his younger
brother things like, throwing a ball, peekaboo, hide
and seek, and other things that can keep the 2 of them
busy for 15-20 minutes.  He's really good abotu
sharing and giving him food.  It was certainly
difficult at first, but we've learned that its best to
give the older sibling an important role to play with
the new baby.

For me, I've been keeping a blog (albeit, i'm
extremely behind), taking lots of video and photos and
that's always a fun activity later: watching old
times!




_____________________________

part two and a half

"Mama, don't change my diaper, its very allergic to change my diaper."

"I am so glad I have Imraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan"

Daddy says, Ibu, this car is majorly broken. Ibu says, Daddy, Ima is majorly silly.

Imraan kicheri

If you give mama a mocha

Happy Mother's (and Mother's to be) Day!!

If you give mama a mocha....

...she will sneak to her bedroom to indulge in her cafe mocha and plan for a shower. She's overwhelmed by the pile of clean laundry sleeping on her bed that needs folding. This will remind her to put the clothes sitting in the washer into the dryer before they start to smell of mildew. Then she decides that so long as she's in the laundry room, she may as well start a new load. As she looks around for socks and bibs, she finds mail that fell behind the shoe shelf and finds a bill that is due in one day. She sits down in front of her computer to pay the bill and remembers she needs to order a new water filter for the fridge. Note to self: remember to use the child-lock on the water dispenser! Let's see, what's for dinner tonight? She takes out a pound of chicken to be defrosted and ponders, grilled chicken (again)? At least it's healthy. Thoughts of healthiness remind her of the brownies she made the night before that would taste heavenly with her now-cold mocha. She converts it to an iced mocha and reaches for a plate for her brownie. Oh dear, time to reload the dishwasher. This will just take a few minutes she convinces herself. After she's done, she remembers she needs to refill the napkin and paper towel holders and decides that on the way to the garage, may as well empty out the garbage. On the way to the garage she finds more garbage that can fill up the bag. She's back in the house and checks the time. In the few minutes before her toddler wakes up and proclaims a renewed level of energy, she abandons her iced mocha, her plans for lunch and plops down on the sofa. Only to hear a few minutes later, 'Mama, I woke up. Where are you?'

And so the day continues....not to mention the chances for a shower.....

By Ayesha Akhtar

based on "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff

Strange Toddler Behavior

We all know about those terrible 2's. How bad, really? Well, its not that its 'bad', per se, just strange. Peculiar.
How does he get the idea to do that/say that/eat that/wear that/play with that/want that in the first place??

* He won't drink from a cup unless it is completely full to the rim. (This is not fun for mama or daddy).
* He will extort guests into giving him highly-coveted snacks from the pantry, and say it with gusto allowing no guest to refuse his sweet phrase, "auntie XYZ, I have an idea, I want some goldfish!!".
* He is the only one allowed to turn the page of a book. Even if that means he has to come to me from across the room while I'm reading a book to the baby.
* He won't sit down to eat his snack unless every part of the bottom of the bowl is covered.
* He claims that his socks hurt if they are not on properly, ie, seams must be in place.
* He will not eat food that is mixed together, ie, peas with corn is a no-no. Must be peas on one side and corn on the other.
* He will not eat french fries that have the potato peel on them, he claims they make him cough (although I've never heard him coughing after eating them).
* He drinks the bath water :(

These days...

Our son is a huge U2 fan. He can tell you the name of a song within the first 5 seconds. He can distinguish guitars between the Edge and Clayton. At the drop of a hat, he can belt out Elevation or Stuck in a Moment. Still not quite sure what just happened in the past 2 weeks, but the kid is a musical genius!!


Some funny things he's been known to say/do or phrases overheard:
* Whenever I pull out imraan's food, he'll pull up a chair and a spoon and dig in. The kid likes pureed sweet potatoes, all over again.
* Mama, I have a problem, my truck is broken.
* I'm so sad, I broke the frother......as he throws his head in his hands.
* I just noticed Daddy put Miffy on.

The story about his Booster seat:
* While on mama's cell, leaving babies r us, Daddy, can you give us a ticket for a booster seat, the one at babies r us is too much money and we have to get a different one from Target.
Now the booster seat is at home:
* Daddy, I am going to target with mama to get a new booster seat for me because that one (pointing to the high chair) is too small for me.
Now assembled and I overheard heard him say:
* Allah ta'allah, can you please help me get on the booster seat, its too hard for me. Please Allah help me. Classic.

Park Etiquette?

OK so "park season" is nearly here, and I think its time to re-hash the rules and etiquette of playing in the park. The other day, I received a rude comment from a mother who behind my back said that a good mom brings toys to the park for everyone to play, seeing that I had nothing that day.

Infuriating? of course! especially since we usually arrive to the park with a wagon full of sandbox toys and didn't happen to do so that day. Further, the parks we go to generally have 'donated' sandbox toys that implies a system of good faith by every parent who leaves the toys there for everyone else to play with.

Rule #1: If you bring a toy to the park, expect others to want to play with it and instill in your child the idea of 'taking turns'. Sharing is very elusive at the tender age of 2 (by 3 they should be able to take turns automatically), because children don't understand that once they leave a toy, it is a free for all. They simply think they are 'just not playing with it right now but will shortly'. Taking turns is more concrete and you can allow the child to take control of the situation by saying, right now I'm playing with this truck (always a truck), when I'm done I will give it to you. Believe me, it works. I would also venture to say that 3 out of 5 times, Ibu himself has given up playing with something and just says, here you go and he is done.

Rule #2: You don't always have to share with strangers. I have wavered on this dozens of times and have decided that its not necessary to share or expect to have someone offer toys to you if you are not friends. In our adult life, I don't expect this and I don't want him to have unreasonable expectations. Sharing with friends or little kids that are playing side by side is a different story, but bring toys to the playground that get pounced on by older kids who run away with them is not my idea of fair.

Rule #3: Don't be a swing hog, give others a turn, or double up your kids if you can/have to. Enough said.

Rule #4: Clean up after yourself, kids watch everything in the park and will pick up on leaving a mess behind.

Rule #5: Obviously, have a great time yourself! Its a perfect place for playdates, to make new friends and playmates and just to have a little picnic.

Enjoy the outdoors!

The Flouride Debate

Recently brought to my attention, dental flourosis is a serious issue. The ADA defines it as a change in the appearance of teeth and is caused when higher than optimal amounts of fluoride are ingested in early childhood while tooth enamel is forming. The risk of dental fluorosis can be greatly reduced by closely monitoring the proper use of fluoride products by young children. Instead of ensuring your child gets a pea-sized portion of toothpaste, uses it properly and spits it out (which I find to be a task every day), its better to avoid the whole enamel-damage issue and use toothpaste that has no flouride in it.


Good toothpaste to use: Tom's of Main - flouride free

eating organic

Here is an article I wrote for Azizah Magazine (www.azizahmagazine.com) to be published this fall.

***

“Eat organic”, “go organic”, “eat naturally” are catch phrases that seem to find their way into mainstream media these days. Mostly targeted to women, fashion, pregnancy and parenting magazines, national newspapers are overloaded with information pertaining to this new healthy trend of organic and natural foods. Or is it more than a trend and real lifestyle change? Three years ago, I set myself on a mission to find out what the buzz was worth. To give myself a little jumpstart, I created a simple survey to gauge the interest level for eating organic foods, and to find out whether people thought it was necessary or even a social responsibility as Muslims to eat pure and wholesome foods. The results varied a little, and perhaps reflect the geographic constraints of obtaining organic foods.

The big stuff

When I was pregnant with my first son in 2002, I started to examine the sources of foods I ate. If you stop to think about, eating is one of our most intimate activities of daily living. And as Muslims, we further strive to ensure that every bite of our food is pure and clean. Thus I took upon myself the task of challenging my diet and making my future family a healthy one.

To start eating more healthily, it was necessary to examine the sugar content in our foods. Thereafter, I reviewed our dairy, fruit juices, breads, pastas, and “snacks”, which for us, meant that Oreos and Doritos would soon be questioned. Upon learning about the unnecessary effects from the most common additive: refined sugars, I promptly switched from white to whole wheat bread. Sugar is perhaps the biggest nemesis to our diet and creeps into our foods in a variety of forms, such as sucrose, fructose, glucose, maltose, and lactose. Now I had to read the ingredients for bread without high fructose corn syrup, which extended my stay in the bread aisle. Next I thought about dairy. When I considered what was going into the cows from which I was drinking milk and eating cheese, butter and yogurt, organic dairy from cows treated without antibiotics, hormones and other vague stimulants was a no-brainer. What about eggs? Just as the treatment of cows prompted organic, I now brought home cage-free eggs, the brown ones that usually ran almost $2 more than the average generic carton. This was one item that my husband enjoyed better right away. Probably the toughest switch to make was our produce selection. There was simply a plethora of produce that we could have purchased organic. Further, by the time I actually got to the produce section of Whole Foods, I was overwhelmed at the prices. However, in my research of produce items, I came across the Environmental Working Group’s report on the 12 most pesticide-laden produce (commonly referred as, “the dirty dozen”) which you should buy organic:

· Apples

· Bell Peppers

· Celery

· Cherries

· Imported Grapes

· Nectarines

· Peaches

· Pears

· Potatoes

· Red Raspberries

· Spinach

· Strawberries

(This report can be found online and you can print out a wallet-size card to take with you to the grocery store at http://www.foodnews.org/reportcard.php). After reading the report, we did not need further convincing that is was really important for my health and the health of my growing baby to eat food with the least amount of contamination. Sounds reasonable, right? I decided that since I relied upon my daily intake of fruits and vegetables for sustenance, I would pay the price asked of me, and make an effort to search for better price alternatives. That led me to locate my local farmers market and other cooperative agreements (ex. Organic Valley). Additionally, if you can learn about the methodology of regional fruit picking, such as strawberries, you can learn which farms use more/less pesticides. That way, you can support that farm indicated on the packaging, although it may not be organic, but you will have the comfort of knowing it was grown without as many pesticides.

The little stuff

So now what about genetically modified organisms (“GMO”) and chemically altered ingredients? In just the past decade, more and more staple foods are genetically altered. Soybean oil in soup, genetically-modified corn syrup in ketchup, cereal, chips, cookies, bread and more foods are consumed daily. A government report, issued in July 2004, from the Institute of Medicine (IOM) concluded that biotech foods may pose hidden health hazards, and children are especially vulnerable. However, there are certain benefits to such modified foods, the scientists’ claim, such as making cattle leaner and engineering greater and yield healthier oils from canola and soybeans. There is a Swedish initiative to genetically engineer rice which would contain loads of beta carotene to help those who are vitamin A deficient. Opponents would argue, why not boost the production of sweet potatoes and carrots and other vitamin A-rich foods?

Is this a social responsibility?

Coming from a business background, I couldn’t help but wonder, what was the value proposition of eating organic foods? Is it so we can say we are eating consciously and doing good to our bodies? Is it to be inclusive among a growing trend? As Muslims, we are commanded to eat food that is in its most pure and wholesome form (tayyib), thus I felt personally responsible to do a better job of purchasing quality food for my family. Yet after spending hundreds of dollars in organic and naturally prepared foods and definitely feeling better, I wondered, was that the end or was that a means to a spiritual end?

Taking initiative

Shireen Pishdadi, of Faith in Place (faithinplace.org) is a major organizer of an initiative called TAQWA Eco Food Cooperative, based in Chicago, Illinois. She seeks out farmers in southern Illinois who grow their livestock in the most wholesome manner possible and avoids factory farming. “One cannot put a price on their health or their children's health”, Pishdadi states, “and as we keep supporting factory farming (a global industry), we are helping to put the small sustainable farmer out of business and depriving our future generations the choice of wholesome food.” The TAQWA Coop has a commitment to cultivate livestock that is organic, sustainable & pasture-raised, with animals that are humanely raised and slaughtered and ecologically sustained under fair and honorable working conditions and just economic practices. This commitment directly speaks to consumers such as Mahruq Khan, of Chicago, Illinois. I find it somewhat contradictory, she claims, to purchase halal meat when the animal from which that meat came from was not grazing on a free range, and probably did not lead a healthy/happy life. In the brief surveys I conducted, I asked my respondents whether they felt it was a social responsibility of Muslims to eat organic or natural foods. Lara Suleiman, a communications student from Hinsdale, Illinois, agrees that Muslims should be responsible for eating food that is tayyib. “I also think it should be a responsibility of every person, Muslims or not, that cares about their health and the welfare of their children.” Regarding the quality of the meat consumed, Mahruq Khan of Chicago, Illinois “find[s] it somewhat contradictory to purchase halal meat when the animal from which that meat came from was not grazing on a free range, and probably did not lead a healthy/happy life.” Many Muslims today lack awareness of the details pertaining to the food industry; yet, if known, would promptly take strides to create an industry for Muslims to eat wholesome foods. An additional deterrent is the premium charged for such foods, yet such prices will eventually decrease with increased demand and supply. Ultimately, making a change to eat organic or natural foods is a change of lifestyle and requires an integration of awareness and appreciation for entrepreneurship (local farms).

What can you do?

I asked her to give the Azizah readership a parting message. What is something you can start with today? The catalyst for change, she firmly believes, is awareness of the food industry. Know where your food comes from and its methodology! Next, look into local cooperatives and support farmers markets. And finally, Muslims should give up cheap food, claims Pishdadi, food is not cheap, but we get it cheap because we pay for it with our health and with war. Shopping at Whole Foods is not the ultimate solution, rather Muslims need to work together to build a better food industry. There are certainly greater and more global issues for Muslims of this day to confront with, however, as Pishdadi believes, factory farming ultimately supports the energy business which hurts Muslims in the Middle East. “These and many other reasons are why Muslims should stop patronizing this global industry, which is owned and run by [four or five] mega corporations and look to the local farmers for wholesome sustenance.” Further, she asserts, Muslims should be at the front of this initiative because we have been commanded to eat food that is pure.

baby bird

Today, there was a sad little bird who flew into our window...well, i'll let Jr tell the story....

Jr: ....daddy, the bird bonked in the window and fell down and hurt its back...it was not listening to the mama bird and daddy bird....when the bird goes home its gonna get a time out. i'm so sad that the bird bonked in the window and got hurt.

Me: i'm sad too. we can pray that it gets better. where does the bird live?

Jr: I don't know where the bird lives...naybe here? (as he points to a bush)

later

As we drove away from our house, he said, Mama, I didn't see the bird outside...maybe we can see it later inshaAllah.

Art of negotiation

Scenario:

Jr takes the basketball hoop from his room into mama's room. Unloads the freshly dried laundry from to-be-sorted-someday laundry basket (the baby's disassembled bassinet, really) and piles it all over the now-knocked down hoop, which has been relabled as "Cranky the Crane" (Thomas fans?)

Proceeds to reposition my footstool adjacent to Cranky and tries to jump onto the pile of Cranky with the clothes. Naani intercepts the jump and the conversation goes like this:

She says to him, "please don't jump, you might get hurt."
"nooooooooo, i hafta jump on Cranky"
"But then you might hurt your teeth if you jump"
"then I will get new teeth" (someone has been learning some dentistry behind my back)
"OK, but first blood will come"
Junior exits the scenario, not enticed any further....